❤️✨The Nexialist #0006
Valentine's Day | Saudade | Where Should We Begin? | Monogamy, Explained | (Non)Monogamy | Relationship Anarchy | Social Serendipity | Culture of Proximity | Pixelated Love | BDSM Test
Welcome to The Nexialist, the newsletter that gives you brain orgasms (or at least some content cuddles) 😏
With Valentine's Day approaching, I decided to bring some content about relationships beyond the romantic love we’re so used to. Also, since my beautiful partner Juan is kilometers away in Argentina and I am missing him deeply, I dedicate this to him, as we have learned a lot together. 🐥❤️🐶
I'll start with the most cliché/iconic word in Portuguese:
🫀Where Should We Begin?
I had recommended this podcast before when I talked about Erotic Intelligence. Still, I need to emphasize how great it is. Esther is a relationship therapist and lets us listen to one-time therapy sessions with diverse couples with different issues to solve in their relationships. It's impossible not to learn something, even if that situation has never happened to you. Juan and I used it as a tool to get to know each other better when we were dating long-distance. At night we would talk about it, telling what we learned from it. It's free therapy, people! (Get some towels because it can get emotional)
👩❤️👨Monogamy, Explained
This was the first episode of the Explained series and it focuses on Monogamy. It's a couple of years old, and it's one of those things I recommend to anyone asking about relationships. Recently I heard that "monogamy unexamined can lead to harmful and limiting experiences," and I agree with that. This episode helps you examine it, understand where it comes from, and perhaps think how you're going to create your own version of it (or not).
If you like this: They also created a 5-episode series about Sex, which I learned a lot from: Sex, Explained.
🤯Complexity in Relationships
This infographic always fascinates with the variety of non-monogamous possible models. I had it saved somewhere for years, and now I just found out it's made by Franklin Veaux. He's one of the authors of "More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory," which is a highly recommended book (by Juan, for instance) if you want to learn more about this.
🤘Relationship Anarchy
I heard about Relationship Anarchy a while ago, but only when I was writing this week's issue was when I actually learned more about it (thank you, Nexialist, for this!). I found great reads to evaluate how we culturally rank relationships:
“The concept of ‘relationship anarchy’, coined in 2006 by the Swedish feminist and computer scientist Andie Nordgren, proposes that how we construct, conduct and prioritise our relationships should be up to us. It is not a libertarian ‘free-for-all’ philosophy, but one with empathy, communication and consent at its heart. It is distinct from nonmonogamy or polyamory; it might or might not contain elements of both. By questioning ‘commonsense’ ways of doing relationships, people can create bonds according to their beliefs, needs and desires. Crucially, relationship anarchy means that traditional romantic love is not automatically placed at the top of a hierarchy of ‘lesser’ relationships.”
—Can relationship anarchy create a world without heartbreak? by Sophie Hemery (Aeon)
You can read the short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy by Andie Nordgren, which has 9 inspiring points (even if you're not interested in moving in that direction)
Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique
Love and respect instead of entitlement
Find your core set of relationship values
Heterosexism is rampant and out there, but don't let fear lead you
Build for the lovely unexpected
Fake it til' you make it
Trust is better
Change through communication
Customize your commitments
🤳Culture of Proximity
This Viacom Velocity study is something that has not left my mind since I saw it in 2018. What happens when we add a layer of technology between our relationships, not only personal but at a worldwide level? Are we closer together? What does proximity even mean? It's exciting and scary to think about how this is changing us.
"In the past, proximity and a feeling of closeness or connectedness have been one and the same. Now we have proximity that may be disconnected from that feeling of closeness. That's pretty crazy! That's a really different society than the one we've been living in, and I don't think we've really come to terms with what that could look like going forward."
Now, this got me thinking about how the pandemic actually accentuated this dynamic, with a lot of our social and work life being transferred online.
Below is my attempt to put my keynote skills to recreate the chart Tim Urban drew. He explains the Culture of Proximity as this dynamic change between Mass Culture, Crowd Culture, Close Culture, and Deep Culture. I recommend watching this short version above, but also, there is a 30-min version that goes deeper into it.
😭Where’s my Social Serendipity?!
Amanda Mull puts very nicely into words how The Pandemic Has Erased Entire Categories of Friendship in this health piece in The Atlantic. The people who we see at the gym, at the smoking area, or the coffee room at work. "Tools like Zoom and FaceTime, useful for maintaining closer relationships, couldn't re-create the ease of social serendipity, or bring back the activities that bound us together." Yup, social serendipity. I miss that.
👾Pixelated Love
Amor Pixelado is a poetic take on today's long-distance relationships, intermediated by screens and pixels. You can play with the 360 video. Tropix is Céu's fourth studio album is from 2016, and still one of my favorites.
♊️Astral Love
Javiera Mena is an indie/electropop pop singer from Santiago, Chile. So ear-pleasing to hear this sound in Spanish and the fact she openly sings about her homosexuality. Put your headphones on and enjoy this hyperreal futuristic astrological love song.
🍌Who Loves Fruit?
"Banana and Papaya are the same; they're fruit." Kany García and Residente are Puerto Rican artists that Juan showed to me. The song is full of innuendos in the lyrics and video, with clear bisexual preferences, which is beautiful to see. The music's wordplay is fun, inviting us to question gender roles in and out of bed.
💋Inspired by the kissing scene, I made a video playlist of kissing videos. Enjoy!
😈BDSM Test: What kind of sexual deviant are you?
How kinky are you? I took this BDSM test some time ago, and it's actually a great tool to self-assess your kinks/preferences. It's a great exercise to do with your partner, show each other's results and talk about it. Or to send to your crush.
❤️If anything made your brain tingle, click like and don't hesitate to share it with the world. It helps The Nexialist to reach more curious minds. See you next week!🦦
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