❤️🔥✨The Nexialist #0057
❤️🔥✨The Nexialist #0057
Show Me Love | Multiamory RADAR | Love Languages | PRİSENCÓLİNENSİNÁİNCIÚSOL | Naked Chills | Apocalyptic Pop | Chemistry | Eroticism and Self-care | Connection
Welcome to the place where there are no fake braingasms, The Nexialist
51 editions ago, in The Nexialist #0006, I did a Valentine’s Day special and in 2022 I decided to do that again. That issue got quite a few reactions (the kinky BDSM test, mainly) so I’ll leave here the link to that AND The Flashback pt.ii, which has a good selection of Love, Sex ft. Relationships content.
The Nexialist #0006: Valentine's Day | Saudade | Where Should We Begin? | Monogamy, Explained | (Non)Monogamy | Relationship Anarchy | Social Serendipity | Culture of Proximity | Pixelated Love | BDSM Test
As an openly non-monogamous polyamorous gay man, I want to make sure that The Nexialist is also a space to bring more awareness and validation to other ways of loving. Today, I would also like to send a special hello to those of you know practice non-monogamy and conscious monogamy: you rock! Also, to both of my lovely partners, Juan and Andrea, who have each been providing me with great support, love and patience. I love you!
Also, add your sparks to the discussion. A Brainspark Thread is where you can share connections your brain made or links that made your brain excited:
🥰Show Me Love
Ah, the Swedish musicians and producers. Such a beautiful song and video to start today’s Nexialist. The looks and cenography are hypnotizing and Tove’s voice very sweet.
Get ready, because today will be quite a musical edition.
🏡Multiamory RADAR
It’s quite difficult to find resources when you’re in the non-monogamy spectrum (The Ethical Slut is usually the first recommendation, which is great). Recently Juan found the Multiamory podcast and they actually have some interesting conversations to help us open our minds. They also have an online community for people to connect, which seems to be quite helpful. There, I learned terms like: Metamour (the other partner of your partner), NRE (New Relationship Energy) and ORE (Old Relationship Energy).
The image above shows the order of a periodic meeting format which helps bringing some organization into the complexity of relationships: RADAR. Most people I know don’t have a specific and safe space/time to check-in with each other, and this is exactly what this does. It’s a space to check how things are going, from quality time, to sex, to finances and to address discussions that happened. If you like to ignore the issues in your relationship, this is not for you. But if you want to build trust, transparency and companionship, I recommend giving it a try, even if you’re monogamous. I have recently started it Juan and actually it can be quite helpful. On the other side, I understand it might feel quite mecanic and artificial, but it just takes some getting used to.
💓Love Languages
Here is another “tool” I learned a couple of years ago that actually I find it quite handy, Dr. Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. I must say that I was a bit suspicious since the author is a Pastor (I was raised in the church, so I did have bad experiences growing up and being gay), but I found his framework to be quite a helpful way to think and understand your partner(s) and yourself. It’s important to note that each person most likely has more than 2 or 3 or these, and of course things are more nuanced in reality. Maybe you can have a conversation about this with your significant other, with your family members or even friends.
🇮🇹PRİSENCÓLİNENSİNÁİNCIÚSOL
Talking about language, I remembered this supercool and fun song in gibberish from 1972 my friend Victor showed to me. (I could not resist but I had to add the video with the queen of Italy and dancer of the most exciting choreos, Rafaella Carrà).
The song is intended to sound to its Italian audience as if it is sung in English spoken with an American accent, designed to be "Bob Dylan-esque"; however, the lyrics are deliberately unintelligible gibberish with the exception of the words "all right". Celentano's intention with the song was not to create a humorous novelty song but to explore communication barriers. The intent was to demonstrate how English sounds to people who don't understand the language proficiently. (Source: Wikipedia)
🍑Naked Chills
Last week, the traditional Italian song festival, Sanremo, announced the winners and I could not be happier. I had seen a few songs of the festival in the past, but I think because this year Eurovision will be in Italy, there was more attention paid to it.
First, it’s great to see a gay themed song and LGBTQ+ artists getting this kind of exposure (now, they will represent Italy in the Eurovision). Second, you can click in the CC button and add subtitles in a few languages, English included, so you understand the beautiful lyrics (Brividi means Chills). Third, it’s filmed in the Netherlands, so the familiar landscape makes it extra beautiful.
Thank you, Andrea, for showing this to me.
👋Apocalyptic Pop
This was another one of my favorite songs from Sanremo. If you just hear the sound, you might think it’s just a cute and light track, but they are singing about saying good bye to the world. The apocalypse is pop. (Also great to learn the body parts other than head, shoulders, knees and toes).
Con le mani, con le mani, con le mani / With the hands, with the hands, with the hands Ciao ciao Con i piedi, con i piedi, con i piedi / With the feet, with the feet, with the feet Ciao ciao E con la testa, con il petto, con il cuore / With the head, with the chest, with the heart Ciao ciao E con le gambe, con il culo, coi miei occhi / With the legs, with the ass, with my eyes Ciao (ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao, ciao)
🧪Chemistry
Since we’re in a little Valentine’s Day moment, I decided to add this other Sanremo song. I just recently learned about Donatella Rettore (thank you Giacomo!) so I was excited to see her there, especially singing about sex, chemistry and kinky stuff. This is the second verse, in which Rettore sings:
There's no early or late, if I stay I'll come again and again
I don't care about modesty, I don't give a shit at all about the nuns
Don't start moralizing at me, in the end, God willing, it's just
A matter of chemistry, chemistry
🫀Eroticism and Self-care
I included this video on the very first edition of The Nexialist, introducing the Erotic Intelligence term. Since then, it’s a topic that helped me understand quite some things and quite an important one to bring back today:
We carry the responsibility of our desire. Why? Because desire is an expression of our free will. Nobody can force us to want. So if it is ours, then it is also our responsibility to activate it. Freedom always comes with responsibility. We can turn ourselves on and we can turn ourselves off. We can have thoughts that will instantly shut us down and thoughts that will keep us open to possibility and curiosity. We can enliven ourselves and we can numb ourselves. Eroticism blooms from the tension between excitation and inhibition and manifests in the things we say and do, by how we act, and by how we think. We tend to think of eroticism as a sexual state shared by two or more people, but really, it starts with the individual. And it requires practice.
Read: Why Eroticism Should Be Part of your Self-Care Plan - Esther Perel
🎶Connection
I’m loving this mid-2000’s indie rock sounds coming back. I chose this one because, in the end, aren’t we all looking for some connection?
Any links you would like to share after reading (or even non-related links?) Please, share below:
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🤙Call me…
If you like what you see here and your project, brand or business needs some ideas or inspiration from outside your bubble, maybe you need a Nexialist to help you out 🙋🏻♂️ I can participate in brainstorms and workshops, guide inspiration sessions, or provide you with creative research. You can always send me an e-mail to figure something out together.